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Conversation Dynamics
by Sue McKlveen



I've been listening to the conversations of my family at the dinner table. It's a writer's curse to do such things, because everything you hear or see can be put into a manuscript, if disguised well enough.

I've decided, after sitting at the same dinner table for almost twelve years (my youngest turns twelve in September), that there are ten basic conversation types. Every conversation starts out as a category basic to these ten, then can either move to another type of category or splinter off into subcategory. It all depends on the mood of the participants and what's for dinner (with three moody pre/teens, these are crucial elements).

So what does this have to do with writing? Everything. Think about a conversation using one of these types (below) and think of the conflict it could create. It'll rachet up your scene, and make your protagonist crazy!

Here are the basic types I've identified. As time goes on, I may have to add to it, but for now, I'm finding all conversations fit into one of these ten categories.

  1. Action-Reaction. One person talks, another answers. This is a basic amicable discussion, and not very common at my dinner table.

    Example:
    Person 1: "Nice day today."
    Person 2: "Yes. I think it might rain tomorrow. "

  2. All About Me. One person says something and another has to say something that makes them look better than the first. Also called one-upmanship.

    Example:
    Person 1: "I just bought a new car."
    Person 2: "Oh, we're buying one next week and it'll be twice as expensive as yours."

  3. One-Sided. One person won't let anyone else talk.

    Example:
    Person 1: "...and then I walked six steps to the mailbox, and seven steps back, but don't know why..."
    Person 2: "--but the house is on fire--"
    Person 1: "...and did you know the sky was orange this morning?" (and so on, ad infinitum)

  4. Non-listening. One ignores others when conversing.

    Example:
    Person 1: "So, what do you think of the news today?"
    Person 2: "Uh-huh."
    Person 1: "I asked you a question! Are you even listening to me?"
    Person 2: "Uh-huh."
    Person 1: "How many kids do we even have?"
    Person 2: "Uh-huh."
    Person 1: "Are you deaf?"
    Person 2: "I'm sorry. I wasn't listening."

  5. Un-contributing. One person listens but doesn't contribute.

    Example:
    Person 1: "So, did you see the rain today?"
    Person 2: (silence)
    Person 1: "I asked you a question! Are you even listening to me?"
    Person 2: (silence)
    Person 1: "Great. Another silent conversation with myself."

  6. Gossip/Judgmental of Others. Loves to tell other people's faults but never sees their own. (this isn't an example of my dinner table, but two women out to eat)

    Example:
    Woman 1: "Did you hear about the Jones'? They're breaking up!"
    Woman 2: "No, I didn't hear about that, but aren't you having an affair with Mr. Jones?"
    Woman 1: "That's beside the point! I can't believe it. I heard that Mrs. Jones was having an affair! She's so scummy!"
    Woman 2: "Oh brother."

  7. Changes Subject. One person doesn't really listen to others, but changes the subject to suit themselves

    Example:
    Person 1: "I got new shoes today."
    Person 2: "Did you see the news?"
    Person 1: "They're orange sneakers."
    Person 2: "I wonder what's for dinner?"

  8. The Butinski. One person interrupts the others all the time.

    Example:
    Person 1: "I saw an accident--"
    Person 2: "Oh, I know what you mean. I saw one on TV the other day."
    Person 1: "No. You don't get it--"
    Person 2: "--and then the guy said 'you hit my car'."
    Person 1: (shakes head and covers face with hand)

  9. The Convincer. Tries to convince the rest of the people to think like they think.

    Example:
    Person 1: "I believe everyone is entitled to a new car every year from the government."
    Person 2: "Are you crazy? Do you know what kind of havoc that would create with our economy?"
    Person 1: "You don't get it. We're entitled to it and it because we live in this country." (stands up) "Who's with me?"
    Person 2: (lowers head) "Shoot me now."

  10. Paranoid. One person thinks everyone hates them and is out to get them. (not from my dinner table--restaurant scene, two women))

    Example:
    Woman 1: "Do you think that guy over there is watching me?"
    Woman 2: (turns in diner to see others) "Which guy?"
    Woman 1: (lowers head behind menu) "The one across the room. I think it's an old boyfriend of mine."
    Woman 2: "The old guy in the corner? Are you nuts?"
    Woman 1: "You hate me, don't you? You've always hated me!" (stands up and storms off)


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